Squealing to Shop-3 hours to go

My husband bought this car 3 years ago. Now understand, we share absolutely everything. Almost. A solid marriage which includes not fighting. My husband is really laid back and spoils me rotten. I need for nothing.

Lets throw all that crap out the window if it comes to discussing, driving, touching, arguing, worrying - anything pertaining to his red car. I don't even know what it is. I just know it is very fast. And you should know that in these three years I have not even entered his garage and he has rewarded me nicely with my favorite Louis Vuitton collections.

Ok, this will sound ridiculous. It is and it gets way crazier as you can imagine from the photographs. Truth is desperate times call for desperate lies. A woman has to sometimes tell little white lies to maintain her social status. This would never be a choice for one of those moments. But to my horror, it is become a dreadful moment.

My three best girlfriends in the whole world have their birthdays all in the same week. And we are gathering together (as is our ritual) the Saturday of that week. Tonight! So what? Tshsgt please, I am toast, you don't miss one of your girls celebration. Absolutely never. I am not going to get into what would happen if I did.

I fell asleep after lunch, yep. The party starts at 9, can't be late sh@t no way. It's 6 pm right now. At 5:30 I knew I was risking my marriage, life and trust from my husband by weighing my options and choosing the consequences of his horror over my girls.

I had 8 stops, knew the gifts, pre-paid even, but the stores were spread all over town. I'm not sure if I can make this and if I don't, I'll be homeless with no friends and no designer bags. No. Just unacceptable

Let's fly.

Leaving enough time to get car washed and buy myself the replacement Louis Vuitton collection I'm about to get taken away. Okay lets go I need your help here.

Thanks to Google, I could at least map the most time effective route.

Damn, I just broke a nail. Stupid steering wheel, I hate this car. How can I make time to fix it? - I can't attend this evenings function with a chipped fingernail, I mean, please people. Are you feeling me - my life gets so stressful you have no idea.

The things a woman has to do and maintain for her husband and his money is exhausting.

Oh my , must be a technical error, the 'fill gas' red light is flashing, and what does 'running on reserve' mean?' This day is ridiculous. I've only driven 3 miles, oh look a Saks store. Well, I certainly cannot afford to run out and loose even more time. Oh what time is it? What a pretty watch. OK focus, oh look there's a clock in the car, now that's impressive, 6 seat belts are not. And I am wearing white linen. ugh

My luck was looking up, gas station right ahead. I don't know how drivers knew I was in a gas crisis, because they all moved out of my way to the side of the road. It made me kinda like people again.

Especially at the gas station. Talk about service. There must have been 15 gas people surrounding my husbands car. But great they don't carry my fuel. I started to cry.

A saint from no where, put his greasy, dirty, smelly, hand on my stupid jumpsuit shoulder, and said ' now, now, don't fret, you have spare fuel underneath the front gauges.' How much gas I asked? If I run out again, where can I order some? I'll even pick it up.

This is a major situation I have on my hands. Well the gas man said 'this will fill you up tip top'. He was even nicer to the fact, I didn't understand gas vs liters equating to 'will I bloody well make it home before my husband?'

Approx 45 minutes before your dry.

WHAT? WHAT? It's 7:00 now, which means I have to be completely ready by 7:45, better yet, 15 minutes before that. Have to allocate for any other damage control situations. Realistically I am looking at a half hour for damage control and shopping time.

Question? Who would buy a car this fast, if they can only drive it for 45 minutes at a time? tspth. Down right ridiculous. My husband has lost his marbles and possibly a new gas tank soon, if I am not careful.

Of course that is shopping, however, now with this small window of time, adding in a car wash, hair salon, nail salon, facial, wrappings thankfully with purchase and no means to refill this gas tank apparently once it's dry, I activate my superpower.

Reinventing with class and money.

Wait, why are people still pulling to the side of the road when I clearly have no gas shortage anymore. You can smell it in the next town. Oh well, I reckon just nice folks today, a first to observe for me, not that I am a snob, because I am not. Not with the proper type of person, that is.

Okay, plan B. 3 girlfriends 40 minutes now and 3 gifts. Simple, Tiffany is the closest store with some class. Buying all the girls heart shaped, diamond pendant, necklaces.

Excellent! In stock, wrapped and ready when I get there. 10 minutes. Okay I called back changed it to 4, I think only fair, given the day I have had, and all 4 of us can wear them at the same times. All for one, and one for all, I always say. Or just All for one.

This now is beyond my superpower indeed. No one will take responsibility of washing the car. I tried fitting it in the automatic car wash, yep, scratches. I will just act like the car must have got keyed, when someone clearly sneaked in the garage.

Okay bite the bullet, I was actually going to hand wash the car, but thank fully the only bonus was I had made it home and was in the garage now with 20 minutes to spare. Now I am not sure how to wash a car but I am now praying even on my Vuitton's that my husband doesn't go near the garage when he comes home, actually not until tomorrow for that case. I thought the quickest way to wash it would be just take the hose and spray a good layer of water on it.

This created 2 more pieces of evidence should he come in. First it is ridiculous his car has no roof, now the entire inside is soaked. I was so relieved I had taken the Tiffany bags out before this. Second there was water everywhere to which I also would have no answer as to why unless the thugs that keyed the car, decided to vandalize it even further with water?

OMG I forgot about my hair, OK need half hour for both - no choice. The girls won't like if I am late, but would like me less looking like sponge bob with dreadlocks.

10 minutes til hubby is home, I threw on my sexiest black little dress and the hair and nail technicians arrived at the same time as the skin therapist. She was kind enough to wrap my face immediately in a hot towel as I apparently had severe skin creases still on my face from the helmet.

I called the girls and told them I would be a half hour late. They were not impressed. I reassured them they would be soon.

My husband arrived just as I was about to call him and gave me the sweetest kiss on my shoulder saying 'hello my beautiful, will you be done soon?' 15 minutes baby then could you drive me to the girls house please [thanking the magic people in her head the red car seats one only]

'Oh perfect, I'll be busy while your at the party darling' What's up? Work again?

'No hon nothing like that I need to scream and collect all your designer bags for my bon fire tonight.' All that flashed through her head was how she had forgotten that step. What was happening to her superpower, she didn't buy replacement Vuittons.

Johnathan, are you going to divorce me? Kimberly I love you, it's just a car and it's just years of Vuitton collections, we surely are not that shallow.

Good thing I was in the massage table, as I fainted.