Rehab? I say no, no, no
66
Whatever any of us feel we have to do to escape, seems great, until it becomes our reality and there is absolutely nothing else. ≈ kathy nation
I may have an opinion or two........
Rehab. I may have visited a few, played at some, related with others, enjoyed a handful, seen many, spent much, discharged from a couple, liked a lot, yet mostly, consistently could guarantee I would enter yet still another.
Rehab. No No No, meant, here we Go Go Go.
I have been through 15 rehabs here in Canada and mostly throughout various states in the US. Why? I have the disease.
I am referring to the disease of drug and alcohol addiction, often married with a form of mental illness
What do I know? Well, with rehabilitation and treatment recovery, what I do know, I know a lot.
My recovery journey began, oddly enough, at the same time I started using. I was 14 when I entered my first, second and third rehab back to back. Juvenile lock up in three states and arrived back home just shy of 17 years of age. Too young for rehab and what I refer to as boot camp style treatment.
24 years of using, came with 24 years in and out of various facilities and forms of treatment attempting to get clean, and stay clean.
An snapshot of these facilities include;
- multiple hospital admissions, repeated detox centers, 15 rehab facilities all in different nature, addiction counsellors, juvenile lock up long term treatment 6 months +,combination total of approx 3 years in psychiatric wards, sober living houses, brain scans for answers,emergency room visits for overdosing and other organs shutting down, 5 year methadone for heroin maintenance program, sober retreats, interviews, psychiatrists and therapists, safe houses, shelters, harm reduction cocaine program, needle exchange and counseling, community centers, addiction centre courses, treatment out patient aftercare, long-term rehab, multiple, thousands of AA, CA, NA meeting in 3 countries and hundreds of cities, scared straight in correctional Institutions programs. Program Recovery
SLIDE created by kathy nation, a truly talented New director
Slide created by kathy nation-check out her site/bio
why not leave her a comment.
WATCH THIS VIDEO! by Kathy Nation called SLIDE >>>>>>>>>>
This is the first video Kathy has ever made. She calls herself a total newbie, and made this film to enter the RFH short film festival competition.
Now, I have worked in the broadcast production industry for over 20 years, and it is rare to see talent come across your desk, of such magnitude.
I am placing this video here rather than the end. Before we move onto recovery, and the stages it takes to live there, this needs to be watched, as it depicts the structure of an addict, brilliantly.
I will say creatively it is executed brilliantly with it's effects, and moments, each representing another stage of an addicts life. When I say life, I am referring to the chase, pain, loneliness, fear, desperation, fix, love, life, death, restrictions, the endless attempts to run from this disease, the visual truth of the rituals, held prisoner by the chemicals, slowly drowning in 'ones' own choices.
This video most importantly demonstrates an addicts real fear that there is no way out. The pain and loneliness that accompany that combination should never have to be felt by anyone.
Why? Because if nothing else, it speaks the brutal truth.
Ok, lets go......
This hub has personally been difficult to write. Mostly due to the fact it is challenging to explain to you what I know about rehab without the reasons why attended so many institutions.
I will leave you with this. I attended so many places for help because I needed to. Some of us just take longer to get it than others.
My addiction history and drug education hubs are listed at the bottom should there be any interest. I’ll leave it there.
I will tell you this with absolute certainty. This is the most important element of rehab or treatment you can learn today.
If you are not there for yourself, and only yourself, it won’t work, you will not stay clean. Don’t even try. I respectfully tell those who aren't ready to get back out there and hit it until they’ve had enough and want to get better for themselves. For now, leave the beds for those who are ready. And that bed for you will be here waiting.
There are those that argue, whatever it takes to get you into rehab, who cares, as long as you just get there.
My experience repeatedly knows this makes no difference, once your there, you will not be open to a new way of thinking if not ready. So why waste your time until you are?
Hence why rehab is voluntary. Forced rehab does not exist and for this reason I also have lived through and disagree strongly to Interventions.
As addicts and alcoholics, we must want it so bad, we are prepared to do anything to change our ways. Our ways and best thinking continually kept us stoned or drunk. We must be willing to surrender and admit we are powerless over this disease.
So, you've researched which rehab your comfortable with. Talk to them, ask them every question you have, and keep calling until you feel sure. Second key factor in going to rehab is feeling safe. It’s scary enough entering a new establishment, knowing no one and being straight. You must feel safe enough that it is a place you can begin to heal. Not to mention live for the next 30, 60, or 90 days.
What are they offering? What is their approach to treatment i.e.; 12 step program, religious approach, therapy driven meetings, how many patients / clients are there? How many staff? What’s their success rate? When can you be admitted? What pre-admission requirements are there? Do they have aftercare? Long term options? Is it co-Ed? Are psychiatric medications allowed? How are they administered? What is offered for fitness and recreation?
You may ask them for a copy of their weekly itinerary and group subjects to understand the program a bit better. Truth is you have to be there to make an opinion. Try not to make an opinion until you've been there a while.
Before we head off to never ever land, there’s the primary deciding factor=cash. See up here in Canada we ‘ have don’t have to pay, but we often have to wait. Out of the 15 rehabs I have attended 10 were throughout the US regardless. Cash talks. Same day admittance just needed a flight.
The price of your rehab I will not say determines the quality of care you get, but most often does effect, the environment you will be living.
I have had attended $3,000/day rehabs in paradise to a Canadian equivalence in total of about $5,000. There are so many kinds of rehabs, be rest-assured there is one for you too.
In a nutshell, the US, we can confidently break treatment and rehab in three categories most will stress as recovery priorities. I have been to many in all three sectors.
Eastern US will focus on the 12 step program and the importance of service, or getting involved with your sober community.
The entire south will focus entirely on the importance of a higher power, or god as we may understand him. From those roots the spiritual path begins the 12 step Journey.
West Coast unites in the importance of health as a main factor in recovery. Body, Mind and Soul. Eating healthy, exercising, importance of meditation and therapy, yoga and acupuncture are guaranteed to be part of the curriculum here, and often.
Research is the key here.
|
PHYSICAL THERAPIST ~Sign~ parking therapy rehab PT funny gag gift rehabilitation
Current Bid: $6.95
|
|
Gullible Travels Rehab CD
Current Bid: $10.88
|
|
SELECT O HITS LIMITED EDITION RECORD STORE DAY CD PHIL HAMILTON, DANTE, REHAB
Current Bid: $4.99
|
 | Amazon Price: $10.49 List Price: $15.95 |
 | Amazon Price: $8.79 |
 | Amazon Price: $3.99 |
Then what happens?
Exactly. Now what are you suppose to do?
You've just completed 30, 60 or 90 days in rehab and suddenly do not have the support of other newly recovering addicts, counsellors, nor the protection of being in a facility you know there are no drugs or temptations and lived free from a life you needed to flee from.
You no longer have the structure of support groups and professionals helping you gather information.
You know no one else in recovery and are terrified you will use.
So what you do is actually simple as much as it is difficult.
YOU DON"T PICK UP NO MATTER WHAT! Put a sign somewhere you are often at in your home that reads; UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL I USE TODAY.
Stay in today. Like the t-shirt One day at a time. Yesterday you cannot change, tomorrow is unpredictable. Find serenity in knowing you only have to worry about today.
Start finding a support group immediately. This means attending 12 step meetings, appropriate to your addiction, raising your hand stating you just got out of rehab and need phone numbers for support. You will receive probably everyone. Use these numbers even to touch base with one other addict in recovery each day.
Do not be alone. If you need your place swept for drugs and paraphernalia, use one of the numbers to ask for help doing this. It can take you right back out if you do it alone because of this.
You may have 30 days under your belt, but you are now in the real world, and addictions are more powerful than ourselves and will take over should we let them. This is not about willpower or making the decision to stop.
If you have the disease of alcoholism and addiction, know it is progressive even when you are not using.
This is why so many heroin addicts die when they relapse due to the fact they use, right away the same quantity they use to, and overdose because the body shuts down.
Recap-don't be alone as much as possible, under no circumstances pick up, speak to a temporary or full time sponsor everyday.
It is often suggested you attend 90 meetings in 90 days once you have left rehab. In my opinion I think this is smart and leads to my next point by getting involved in a 12 step program, and building relationships with those in recovery, with people in those rooms.
Use the relapse prevention tools learned in rehab. Set goals and immediately ask someone of the same sex to be a temporary sponsor until you can decide on who you want as a full time sponsor.
don't pick up >>>>>>>>talk to another sober person daily>>>>>>>>>go to meetings daily for 90 days>>>>>>>>>>>as strange as everything feels, and I do understand, it does get better. Just do these few things everyday, many include prayer and meditation, and before you know it you will have a support system and have made friends all by talking to other addicts in recovery, and BAM you receive;
freedom from self.
Mental cravings begin to decrease, physically your feeling better and growing some faith that you might just be able to do this.
Rehab was your means to gain some tools and stop using. Now one day at a time you learn, grow, begin to live sober and start to feel real emotions only to discover you can cope, through anything, drug free. Spiritually you will be gifted with a greater understanding that there is a power greater than yourself and you will find true gratitude and humility.
Ultimately, guess what, you will discover happiness, serenity and amazingly, freedom.
Rehab? I say Yes Yes Yes :) Good Luck it's a trip at best. Besides you have a better solution? What do you have to loose? Nothing.
I am not an addict K's choice
CommentsLoading...
Very powerful hub. I commend you on the courage it took to write it. I know what you are talking about. You are correct that you can not force anyone to quit and this is why all the programs that try to do so fail miserably. It often takes people several tries anyways.
Most hardcore addicts have underlying psychological conditions that they are trying to escape through the addiction. Just focusing on the substance abuse itself will not help these people.
Something sad to me is many people will not admit they even have an addiction. Addictions come in more forms than substances alone. Yet these same people look down on those who have recovered. They know nothing of the intense will power or deep understanding gained through a recovered addicts experience.
I see you have a Celebrate Recovery logo on here. That is a good program =]
Really wonderful work you do for others in need Kim! Thank you for all you do. XOXO :)
It sounds like you have had a very difficult road. I applaud your efforts to help others with their addictions - really glad you made it through. We need more people like you! Thanks
@Mentalist acer
so perfectly put as always my friend. I was so impressed this being her first directorial debut!
Thank you
@ my friend DaNoblest
Glad you know as much as you do, it's always refreshing and thank you for taking the time to come by and read and comment.
Best Wishes indeed
Kimberly
@ ZZ
What a really nice thing to say!!!!!! I really appreciate it buddy, now I have to figure a hub for one year [really 2] any ideas?
com on' help me out -think it will be time appropriate though with all the changes
love when you come by xo
kimberly
@Jalus
Man am I thrilled to see you, being a fan and all. We need to help each other right? Oh actually I have another account that is more like a community account called dear addict, you might enjoy the range there, but I'm just real thank ful you were here
cheers Jalus
lyrics
A very well presented and sensitivly written hub kimberlyslyrics.
Thank you so much for sharing and take care
Eiddwen.
Ed
You rock thanks for your support and reading then commenting means a big deal to me
Cheers
Lyrics
Miss Kim,
Before I stopped counting I received a 7 year chip in Overeaters Anonymous many years ago (if I were to guess I think I'd be getting an 18 year chip, who knows for sure.) I am so proud of you for writing this Hub. You have my utmost respect for staying with it and winning your freedom. How long have you been clean and sober?
I can also say that it is possible to stop just surviving the next minute without wanting to use. It is possible to start living life to it's fullest. It is possible to grow past the addiction mindset (this is blasphemy, I know.) It is possible to become MORE than you were even yesterday. It is possible to become MORE than just an addict. It is possible to become a spiritual being.
I have come a long way since my first days as a sugar addict. It took many years off the stuff for my head to clear. Today, for me, it is simply another thing in my life. I can ignore it, even if I am in the same room with it. I can stick my head in the lions' mouth and walk away unscathed, if I so choose.
I know the concept is different for you. The nice thing, for you, is that you do not need to be around 'the stuff' in order to live your life. This is a wonderful thing indeed!
Thanks for writing about this. People need to know there is hope, thank you for giving it to them. When time permits I will write a couple hubs on my experiences and the things I've learned from it. Thanks for giving someone else the inspiration to share.
By the choices we make, the consequences shall we suffer. What you said is very true and I am certain that writing this must have been very hard for you LL...Just remember this, your readers care a great deal for you and none of us want to lose you or your brilliant words. perhaps that may sound selfish but I for one enjoy reading your work and I hope to continue following you for many years to come.
brilliant, i think you are just getting more and more and more understanding..... do you put that down to rehab..... I love the song of a similar name, why not put it up here. cheers Brenda ,,,,, You are someone i would love to meet.
Wowwww this is such a scary hub, I just cant believe you went through all this, you seem so normal.
No tattoo why would I be afraid if I am recovering, you should know, and I commend you for openly coming out that your an addict, bravo, 1st step!!!!!!
Oh Kimberly, honey, you are simply the best.
Finally admitting we have a problem and we need help is the WORST feeling and the BEST thing for us.
Celebrate recovery every day.I sometimes wish I had the courage to write my story here, but I tear it up as soon as I begin. Your courage inspires me. love you girl, thank you so much for this. Dim xxxxxxxxx
Kimberly - you have done a fine job of sharing your own experience strength and hope. There is so much fear of getting well in early recovery. As addicts we think in an upside-down way. Bad is good and good is bad. Hope and faith and God are delusions to an active addict though we worship and put all our trust in our drugs because of their temporary relief of pain. We turn our will and our lives over to the care of our substance of choice which is causing our spiritual and physical death. We refuse to accept benign care from a higher power that we cannot see. I am grateful for every day of the ten years of sobriety that I have been given. Only by the grace of God am I sober today. Thank you for sharing the pain of your addiction.
Such an important hub - let's hope you inspire people to get the help they need. People need a good support system to get through any addiction and reading your hub makes one realise that the strongest support of all must come from within. Thanks for sharing!
Kimberly . Your not alone . It seems we led a very similar life . This hub is well written, Informative , touching and blunt. Very ,Very good job .
Smooches
Ray
aware I'll be back but smooches right now
I needed that
Kimberly
you are amaxing.. luv
@me
I think your amazing yourself, I love you, thank you
@W. B. Isley
Please know I really apologize for the late responce and only really hope you get this. My father died and its been quite a tough few weeks, however a few writers I call friends really helped me get through the toughest days.
You are critical to me. First I am so proud as my sister is picking up her 10 year medallion in OA and I am most familiar with the severity of the addiction and the struggle to educate people the details and risks consequences and that it is not any less important and deadly than any other addiction.
I have another account here that deals with all addictions with it simply being people helping people. Hubbers have been so generous thus far and I beg of you would you do a hub and we can address and educate people about OA and how you came to get there or whatever you want.
I truly would like to educate people on this addiction
the account name is
dear addict
take a peak if you feel you would like to add a hub just email me
Everything aside, I do very much appreciate your sharing and rock on with that time of abstinence, way to go!
Thank You
@MM
thank you and it's such a gift when a reader really understands the message.
Thanks for being that reader
I'll be by soon, sorry for the distance, my father died and I'm struggling but still clean and sober, nothing bringing me back there
xo
Thank you Miss Kim,
I have been patiently waiting and watching my email. I knew it had to be serious for you not to keep up with the comments on this hub. I didn't know what had happened, and you have been in my thoughts the whole time. I was sending light that you would make it through whatever has been going on.
I am happy for your father and sad for you. I am a rescue medium and have worked with many people 'in between' and I know that your father is in a much better state.
I am also immensely pleased that you have made it through this time sober. I would love to write about my time in OA. I really hadn't thought about it 'til you suggested it. Thank you for the inspiration.
@W. B. Isley
Iam just thrilled you are going to open the 'site' up to educate people on OA with a hub. Thank you so much and also for your calming words about dad. I really found your point almost validating if that makes sense.
Thrilled you saw DA and lets keep building - you can email me at any of my persona's and no pressure for time ok?
oh wwwehhhhhoooooaaaaa thanks!
kimberly
lyricsingray
dear addict
prey
karma
ha
must get addiction help for persona addiction
ha
Miss Kim,
That is quite a few personas. They are all quite interesting. I am impressed that you are able to keep up with them all. Also, if you didn't remember the one for karma is styled "karma." 'cause I noticed there were no hubs under this one. I thought it interesting that you ended it with a period. ;-D
I understand the need for so many personas though. When I first became abstinent I felt vary fractured. It took 3 or 4 years, much therapy, and a really good sponsor to put myself back together. I have always been spiritual and have had a close relationship with my Higher Power. It was always present as a guiding force as major life decisions came up, AND I got good at listening to the guidence over time.
I am happy my words helped. I do understand the validating thing. It does make sense.
I will make time to read some of the stuff on the DA 'site.' It looks very informative. I will make a submission to you for inclusion on the 'site' about my story, as time permits. I am okay with no pressure on the time to submit thing. Thank you for that. I don't know if you've made time check out my profile. I'm quite busy myself at the moment. (Probably not as busy as I need to be since I'm commentnig on a hub. Hey, we all must take breaks.)
When you have a chance I sent a message to the email associated with this account. I am curious as to what you think about my perspective and my blasphemous belief that after enough time in program (several years for me,) it is possible to become MORE than an addict, to become a spiritual being and no longer a human being. If I write from this perspective will it scare too many folks off and/or piss them off?
Have fun.
W.B.
Well written piece Kim! I think a person must love self,forgive self,believe in self... then set their mind and will to overcome. No treatment or program can do that for a person. It is the way of life for the lover of life and overcomer.
@W. B. Isley
Thankyou again. I unfortunately have spread myself too thin-clearly lol. I will read your email today please accept my apologies for being so scattered this week-my memorial speech is due tomorrow and I am on my 5th NEW version. Not easy for sure.
You I am glad to have met for sure, your words are literally guiding me this week bless you
Kimberly
@luxoccasus
Hello! Apologies for the late response. Late or not, I really liked what you said. How can we receive or be open to help/change until we are open to the fact of loving and thinking well of ourselves. That's where surrender applies [1st step] without it, nothing can change
Thanks bunches
Kimberly
Bravo! It's incredibly brave for you to share your experiences with us. There is so much stigma around hospitalization and mental illness, I think it's wonderful when those of us who have been through it can speak out and demystify the whole thing. Great work!
@Maddie Ruud
You really are incredible. wow. I don't mean just cause you left a comment on my work [ok somewhat] but how amazing that it was this hub you read. So close to my heart. It really is, as you say a disease to which so much stigma attracts.
We should carry no shame in that to which we have no control. Instead embrace it and use it for the simplest of things, whenever we are capable of doing so.
My truth has one purpose and one purpose only, to help even one other person suffering. In that I mean help them by letting them know, they are not alone. No one should be alone, and reaching out in a forum such as this gives us the magical power of sending that message.
Thank you Maddie, you have brightened my very difficult day
Bless
9ps will there be a comment everyday? lol com'on had to go there, I was tearing up
Cheers and thank you
Kimberly
Hey Kim,
I sent you an email on dear addict (I think) the other day. I'm not sure if you got it. I thought I'd let you know here too.
I did a research paper on eating disorders for a college class in 1995. It is a good intro to the disorder. Would you like to read it to see if you want to include it in dear addict or would you like for me to write my 'story' for that one?
Per the previous comment, I am sorry you are having a difficult day. I continue to send you love and light. May it help you in your time of need. Just for today, pick up the phone and not your drug of choice. You can make it one more day without picking up. odaat
William
William the Wonder
I can't express how grateful I am that your patience with me is so supportive and understanding. I have read the emails now and truth is I am so excited we will be covering this form of addiction to which too many know nothing about and as many suffer with no hope or direction.
You will help many don't doubt that.
Today I need to accomplish finishing memorial speech as I am also hubbing it and responding to my latest hub, so many kind people, you included!
If I am lucky I will get the hubs in progress published but my main priority is responding.
btw thank you for you
kimberly
William, well, where is it? geez
Talk about scattered and unproductive
o wait that's me
ha
xo
If you want me to send it to your email you need to respond to at least one of the emails I've sent. That way I can make sure you'll be getting it and that we can actually communicate productively over email too.
So, which email would you like me to send it to and where will we be discussing it from, here or over email?
Have fun. xo
Ha good point
look I am polish and that's my story.
I'm shooting email off to you right now, understanding you have no previous basis to believe I will execute my intentions, knowing I have good intentions just scattered polish writer stuff
ok watch this [fingers crossed]
:o)
You da bomb! I got both of em.
Um, I didn't send anything?
ha
totally falling short of tonight's goal
ficklediddle or in other words rats
I like our little forum here, content appropriate, needing no moderation, and posters rock!
I keep reading this and it feels so much like home. Been over 3 years since i had to put a needle in my arm. I remember the pain like it was yesterday, so deep, so shallow, so lost inside. The fear of not knowing if I was going to make it was the worst. Even more so than the constant pain all over my body. How my hair even hurt. Seconds lasting like years, ouch. Thank you for the feelings of letting go once again. I sometimes need a reminder of just what i went through. So much pain in this and i thank you. up and beautiful, useful and awesome you are.
Johnny, I can relate so crystal clear it gives me shivers and hate the everlasting pain we had to endure. I still get needle pain, all this time later, just occasionally-I think a bug bit me and sure enough I'll grab my arm and it will be nothing but a scar or track mark.
You know the final time I jumped off methadone then junk, I couldn't believe it. I was on 140 ml of meth and I weigh 105 pounds?????? But the meth clinic refused to taper me down to get off so I slowly - really slowly tapered to 30 mg then jumped, I ended up in hospital and had to be medically detoxed, only to stick a needle in my arm the second I was released that day, staying in denial that the truth was I tapered for a year off methadone and went through the hell of detox so I could bang my best friend then. I went on a long run, overdosed then my parents once again detoxed me. God Bless them.
When I could walk and eat I started going to meetings with my dad, AA, i'm not sure i can define why that time stuck, or maybe there is no reason, like we say, we're just done when we're done. God i'm glad
Check this out the f@ck@d up baffling part of this disease. So my dad cleaned me up knowing nothing of dope drugs or needles, he got sober at 70, just before he helped me. He just died, sober, what a miracle, I hope to publish his hub today. But the entire time I was writing his hub I had really powerful cravings while knowing the gratitude I do feel. Man Johnny lets never go back, never.
I am so proud of you my new friend, I get it, I hate it, I despise it, but I have never met an addict either trying to get clean or clean, that I have not liked, and never once judged an addict that is active in the disease
Thank you so much for sharing Johnny, you have much to share and I'm going to ask if you would considered writing or sharing an old hub or writing for our [addicts/alcoholics] account here namely, dear addict, we're just people helping people. no rules.
Take a read and tell me what you think, you have much to share and many people you could help
ODAAT Johnny
you rock Dude!
Miss Kim,
Sent you the paper last night to the dear addict email address.
How is it going with writing your fathers memorial hub?
William
DRAGON CHASER
Balloons fill the sky with the color black,
water fills my mouth and I feel desire.
The clouds soak up the deep color within,
I pull back for a moment and I am already gone.
As I sit down I pull the ribbon tight,
drawing back just enough to see the flash.
My breath is taken away and my eyes close,
I begin to chase the dragon from years ago.
No matter how hard I try I am way to slow,
red eyes fill my mind as I fade away.
So close to the heavens as my head nods,
dream like state of mind I let go of pain.
No more thoughts of life I feel only numb,
reaching for her wings as she flies away.
I let go of all beliefs of ever catching her,
and as I slip away from the heavens, I wake up in hell..
I run to the sound of wings coming home,
in the black I find a fire I love tonight.
Floating past reason I drift into sleep,
and wake up in a dream not so far away.
The clouds so full and the light almost gone,
my heart beating to new drums inside of me.
I hold on for a moment before the release,
falling harder than before I am stuck in time.
I reach for the sky catching nothing at all,
with the hammer coming down the harder I fall.
Lost in space and time losing sight of life,
I give up the dragon, I just hope I have better luck this time....
Waking in a dream not yet clear to my eyes,
the taste of burnt coal still on my tongue.
I am finding now that I am fully alone,
pain fills my mind as I start to fall apart.
In the distance I see the image of death coming my way,
taking her time for I am already in her hands.
Such bright red eyes peering into my dying soul,
too much pain for me to keep looking on.
I don't know what I remember other than flying,
on the wings of the dragon I thought I let go of.
The smell of the ocean air still clinging to my clothes,
a kiss I recall but where is she now?
I am too tired to chase her after all of this time,
death only answers to those that choose to call.
Out of reasons I stumble to my knees without fear in my heart,
with a gentle voice I say hello, and enjoy my dying breath....
Johnny Love
W. B. Isley
thank you still searching - I am way too complicated, note to self ; remedy ah..... dang see?
am looking and sent you an email
@Johnny
from this moment on known as Johnny kimberly loves
I pray this is the piece-emailed you
man I am proud just to have that in my comment section
bless babe
no pressure k?
Blessings to you and thank you.
It is okay. Stop, take a deep breath, let it out, continue until you are calm. ... Better?
I sent the paper to the dear addict email. I was trying to find the response you sent about the non hubpages related email address. Does that one receive less traffic? Anyway, I can't find it. When you have a chance and if it is easier to find stuff in that email, could you send the address to me again.
I also sent another copy of the paper to this email here.
Remember, your father is rooting for you. He says he has been at your side sending you energy and strength. He says your mother is with him and that they are very proud of you, regardless of what you do. They love you no matter what.
He says that the Memorial hub is important to you, and if need be it can wait for one more day. He will still love you even if you don't meet the goals you have set for today. You are staying clean, and that is what matters at this point.
(If your mother has not passed over, then I'm not sure who he is talking about. I just relay messages from time to time.)
odaat
William i am hanging on your words yjamk you
it should publish also yoday
thank yoy
thank both of you
please keep dropping me notes here-desperately needed! xo
I just took a look at the eating disorders hub you published for me. I AM FLOORED by how good it looks. You are amazing!!!!
I am soooo flattered by how professional you can make this stuff look. How do I get to that level of professionalism? Wow. If I'd published this it would have been very bland looking. You have a wonderful gift, I'm glad you share it with us.
Remember, stay calm, only do what you can, try not to stress. Don't sweat the small stuff, it's all small stuff. You are MORE than your body, MORE than ego, MORE than human, YOU are spirit.
Well missed deadline yesterday I just couldn't keep remembering I must get past the date 16th I'm now at a hotel that's more beautiful and hoping it will absorb negative energy and guilt and the large open space will gift me with self forgiveness I will write more as much as I can thank you for your energy my god and your messages
I'm on I phone hope this reads but that hub is bravo to you my sister loved it and is writing one now too holy cow
I have a craving for a tic tac hmm odd?
Johnny just love the new pic mate
come rescue me I'm being squished by bad hubs
aaaaahhhhhhhhhh
Kim I can't thank you enough for being so bold to reveal your life and choices that were made for whatever reason. That's not the issue here.
I know many who through circumstances in their young lives were either coaxed or driven to take up drugs as their cross to bare for the rest of their young and adult lives.
I saw a few of my friends become lost forever and live in the streets and in a lonely grave. I was one of the lucky ones, even though I suffered under abuse as a child, God spared me the taking of drugs, I smoked weed, for some reason I never went further into the drug craze back in the sixties.
Now I have a young son 17 yrs old who is struggling with addiction, started with weed and lately he has moved onto coke, caps, and shrooms. I have him in counseling and he volunteered to take it. He wants to quit and I am here for him always with plenty of LOVE and attention and he tells me he is so glad I'm there for him.
I wrote this poem today and I also added Kathy's video. I couldn't resit, as it tells the truth and what impact. I am adding the link here to my poem for your many readers who may want to view.
Hugs from the Saddlerider to you, stay strong and keep pressing towards the mark. You are helping so many of us. Peace
Saddle, first I very very seldom cry at addiction situations or drugs in general, possibly because it's too painful so I become like a machine, though always a loving one.
Well the tears are strolling down my face, suppose because of what your going through and it's.you. are close to my heart.
Anyone who, like you who consistently are selfless in giving their pain in truth, I know helps someone.
As I write my dads memorial right now I got your comment and remember the pain, all as your twin. Yet find strength that I am not alone.
Are you aware the power you posses? I am.
Thank you for sharing, I am off to read your poem and more tears you included Kathy's video. I will tell her today Saddle. She'll flip and probably contact you on facebook, god bless her she's directing like a machine, I still feel this video is more powerful than most I have ever seen. I posted mine in dear addicts cluster, hard to expose myself using drugs and the loneliness and pain that accompanies this hateful disease.
Your son is 17. Saddle I know nothing, I like that because it means I am always teachable. But the few things I know, weed doesn't scare me, never could use it, mushrooms faded with me after a while, don't know caps?
17 for sure is the try everything stage. My story is different, from a violent assault at 14 I stuck a needle of heroine in my arm, finally got caught and was sent away to juvenile lock down for 2 years in Minnesota. Then a psych ward. This is why I have no education, the school ignored me when I returned. Like a convict all my friends laughed and made fun of me.
I mean no disrespect to my parents as they did the best they could but tough love is the worst degrading form of help possible, and I had a needle in my arm before 2 weeks. So I was not trying drugs I just by myself spent years speed balling coke and H IV which I learned to do on my own.
My long winded point is your son has good chances, age, switching drugs, unless using to escape, he will find his own.
I have many friends in the program that smoke weed, we call it the 'maintenance program', Truth be known I wish I could smoke it as I am always so uptight. But if I tough any drug I'll be banging the same day-triggers
Oh ya my point, Hard Love is slapping your child across the face, addicts are sick not bad, time will tell if your son is one or not, but you pulled my heart strings how you described loving direction with your son. That love will be magnetic for him coming to you should he need help. This is the only thing I know for certain.
You are what you do because of what you went through. I am so pleased you wrote about it and am off to read you and tell Kathy
Then hope you read the beginning of my profile page for some laughter. I hope your cool with the link to you on my profile-think it's last line.
A prayer tonight for your son to keep being human and for you to give thanks.
Peace
It ain't over til it's over angel
So your father passed over on the 16th of the month? What purpose does the guilt serve? I've learned over time that only I can gift myself with self forgiveness. What purpose does not forgiving your self serve?
Walk through your pain, when you have reached the other side, only you will remain. You will not even be able to tell where the pain was.
As the country song goes, 'Wherever you go, there you are.' And I would add, warts and all. Be kind to your self. It is when I am not kind to my self that my dis-ease has power over me. It is when I make room for despair to be my companion that my dis-ease has any power over me.
You may think that you will never be enough. You ARE spirit. You are ALWAYS enough, for your Higher Power is always enough, and you are made of your Higher Powers' substance. See my hub on 'Let There Be Light' for a better explanation.
Remember Sis, at least one other person loves you. You are enough.
My God, william my higher power hasn't entered my mind once through all this
We addicts are so habitual, make it as painful as possible so you feel you have to escape.
I just took my prayer beads from my purse, hung them over my screen and damn I am not alone and my Father deserves this, and he was so bloody funny, as is the hub, I shall have fun damnit
F@CK love you
out a here-got a so deserving few words to publish
Hate You smartie pants
ok love you dumb pants
ha
lets get this party started coming hub, coming, not alone
My God, william my higher power hasn't entered my mind once through all this
We addicts are so habitual, make it as painful as possible so you feel you have to escape.
I just took my prayer beads from my purse, hung them over my screen and damn I am not alone and my Father deserves this, and he was so bloody funny, as is the hub, I shall have fun damnit
F@CK love you
out a here-got a so deserving few words to publish
Hate You smartie pants
ok love you dumb pants
ha
lets get this party started coming hub, coming, not alone
william
ps read the first few lines of my bio
pee
It is so easy to forget the Higher Power thing. We are so used to white knuckling it that we forget there is help that comes from inside of us. We are so used to believing that we can't trust ourselves, based on previous bad choices, that we are ready to reject the help and strength that was always there. We just learned to ignore it when the abuse started in our childhood and our abuser told us we couldn't trust anyone but them (figuratively speaking.)
Go ahead and say it. I'm a smart @$$, and yes I practice.
So, you call your self a sheep dog, huh? Self image problems much, huh? I see a beautiful woman who takes herself much too seriously at times.
Surgically removing bad hubs, isn't that like drowning ones babies or something? You have more guts than I do. I'm thinking that I'd let mine linger in limbo or something. I'll let you know when I get to that point (if I remember, that is.)
omg your hilarious chap
now be a pal, and remedy me i need you-please email me here-i can't find ya
ahroit, ah sent you a email. Hope it arrives in one piece. I went to bed after I left the comment last night. This is the first time I've had to check email today.
Love ya sis.
I checked your profile and I'm glad to see you changed the first few lines.
I'm also glad to see you are still working on your fathers hub. If you tune in you might be able to feel him looking over your shoulder. He likes what you are writing about him. Good work.
Greetings, Oh Mighty One. I got your email, though I must say I didn't quite follow. How is your father's hub coming? How are you and HP managing through all this?
Remember, one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time. There is no good reason to use that HP can not give you a better one not to use. Hang in ther Sis. You are loved.
I forgot to put a not here saying that I sent a reply to your reply.
I pray all is well, and that you are making progress with your fathers' hub. Keep in mind, it does NOT need to be perfect. What you write will be enough. Just as you will be enough to get the job done.
Perfection is a myth started by those who don't want us to DO anything for fear of making a mistake. Your father now understands your condition better than he ever did when he had a physical body. What you have written is enough. It is simply time to publish it and move on with healing.
Love ya sis. Hang in there.
I hope all is well. I noticed that you have pared back on the accounts here at HP. I am proud of you. You seem to be integrating into the new you very well.
As I've learned myself, growing up is a b!t(h, and it is the best thing you'll do for yourself. Neverland is a great place to live while one is healing. There is also a time when we must leave it in order to start living life once we decide we will stop just surviving it.
Life truly is what we make it. If we believe it will be good, it will be. If we believe it will be bad, it will be. No one ever said life is fair. No one ever said life is good or bad. Life, simply, is. Have fun with it.
Here is the kicker. If we have believed that life is bad and we start believing it is good, there is a feedback loop that has been created. All the stuff we believed was bad must circle back to us before the stuff we believe is good will start circling our way.
Endure the "bad" that you have created and keep believing in the good. I promise, if you hang on long enough the good will come through. It did for me. (I'm not saying that I have this licked and/or learned to its fullest, either. I'm still working on it one day at a time.)
The Buddha was correct when he said that we create our own reality. The first 2 verses of the Dhammapada says it all:
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with an impure mind
And trouble will follow you
As the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart.
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with a pure mind
And happiness will follow you
As your shadow, unshakable.
I love you, my beautiful sister. You are truly a spark of the living God.
William, where did you go? I still need you, always will *pouts*
I am still here. I have been very busy. We are still building our house, and I have been working outside of the house for the last few weeks. I'll be around, for a few weeks it might not be as much as it was though.
I realize the energy cloud that has been created by all the recovery groups will disagree with me on this. The purpose of the recovery movement is to help people become free to the point of not needing anyone or anything to feel complete, whole or stable.
It is not our purpose as recovering people to become addicted to meetings for the rest of our lives. It is our purpose to become addicted to helping people for the rest of our lives.
There will come a time when we will not NEED to keep in touch. There will come a time when we will keep in touch because we WANT to. For now it is okay to NEED to keep in touch. I am still sending you energy and love.
I can feel your presence, (The real you.) it is very sweet, loving, and innocent. That innocence can not be taken away by anything we do on this planet. Spirit can not be tainted by material actions. Spirit resides at a higher vibration than the material. The material can not touch it.
You came to this planet to learn, just as I did, just as we all did. On top of that, we came here to help "the all" become MORE than it was before. You have a special potential to help people that most others do not, at the moment.
You are here to help others wake up from the sleep they call their lives. Just as I'm helping you wake up. It is your path to help others wake up and realize they are MORE than their bodies. It is your path to help them realize they are Spirit, just as it is my path to help you realize the same.
I'm also proud to see your face as your avatar. I can tell you are healing, your aura looks good, you look better all the way around.
Love and light.
William, that was so beautiful, clearly straight from the heart I wish you would hub it for us- the purpose not me or you but all os us to understand recovery.
Brilliant you are my friend
Hurry go do the polls please-latest hub
I need quantity to get a good result, if your wife can help to great.
PS I don't just need you in my life, I also want you in my life
Thank you. I will work on a hub for this when I get time.
I is confused. I went to see your latest hub and didn't find a poll. Which user do I need to look at?
Okay I found the hub. I'll take a look at it tonight. Sorry for the long wait in looking at it.
Kimberly, what a excellent written hub, with so much valuable information that will help so many people that are addicted to drugs or alcohol. I was very fortunate that I surrender to my demaons and just went cold turkey from the alcohol. I was worried sick that I would get sick, but believe it or not I was fine. Deep doen inside I knew I was doing wrong not only to myself, but all of my family as well, but I was just not ready to surrender. Finally on Oct 27, 2009 in my garage drinking alone as usual something can across me (a voice) and ever since that night I have been clean and sober and now live life with a positive attitude and hopefully be ableto help other with their addiction through my writing as you are doing here. Great Job Kimberly and Congrats on all you have accomplished!!
Mark
Oh Mark,you made my day. It's funny I always assumed your Hub name was sober related but of course would not confront your anonymity by asking you so. I am so eager to come read your hubs and I hope you can contribute to my site
http://hubpages.com/profile/dear+addict
which is for everyone. I can post something you have already written for example, just a thought but take a peak, we're a little slow but with 4 accounts it gets hectic ha. So glad you got something from the hub and look forward to reading yours
Thanks bunches and bunches
and you rock keeping a clean life-one of the winners I'm sticking close to xo
lyrics
I started working on the hub you suggested. I'm still not sure when I'll get it finished. I have started it though. Do you have anything you'd like to see in it as a specific thing, or shall I just flow with it?
Love and light.
kimberly,
...I have, and I know many people have, people they love who go through similar things like this. Sometimes they seem to forget they're loveable. Never forget you're loved. The fact that you talk about your experiences and problems shows you're a survivor. The fact that you write so compellingly shows you have guts plus talent, plus compassion for others.
I've been reading some of your writings in different profiles. Heart-warming, heart-breaking sometimes, always heart-grabbing. More than anything, I believe what you say in your profile, that God's not finished with you yet. What He begins, He completes. Stay strong. And when you can't, then lean on those who are. That's what life and love is all about.
Brenda, I apologize I didn't see this comment til just now. I love how you talk about forgetting we are lovable. I did, and for years. Also today I really believe God isn't finished with me yet, not by a long shit. But truth be told I hated him for so many years, which turned into just not believing in him and no faith or hope. That in the height of my using.
It took a very long time for me to trust that there maybe a God, just maybe - and it grew, my trust my faith and I don't ever feel a need to question as to question why. But I could have not gotten clean and STAYED clean without surrender and faith. I know today,everyday God does for me what I cannot do for myself. It is so evident I actually laugh with him,
Sounds strange, but the loving God, as I understand him, grants me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference, author unknown
I'm so long winded LOL but must add, like many, have had a challenging and painful life. The reason I say that, and make no mistake, I have no self pity, but know I am not a writer. It is impossible to be one with grade 8 education. I have not the vocabulary or knowledge of English to be one.
However I take great pride in being a messenger, I hope with every time I share that someone feels less alone. Hence my message
OMgosh I have rambled enough, thank you so much for commenting on a hub that is dear to my heart, and doesn't pay attention to the back lash, I feel bad for those people to carry such hate.
Look Im still talking ha LOL LOL
Thanks girl
God Bless
Um, Miss Kim,
May I recommend an editor as part of your entourage? I had a good laugh over this slip, "Also today I really believe God isn't finished with me yet, not by a long _shit_." I'm not poking fun, I just thought it humorous that you made this slip when talking about God. He truly does have a warped sense of humor.
Regardless of what you believe, you are a writer. Spirit through you is an amazing writer. It doesn't matter what grade you completed. You have an amazing grasp of the English language, the way people really talk and think. You are fulfilling your purpose at this time right now in talking about addictions and bringing it to peoples attention.
Addiction recovery isn't glamorous or pretty. It is real and you my friend are the poster girl for real.
I sweetness gotta run to moms
notcoping with anniversary well at well
once there I'll have lots of time to catch up cause you know I need you right?
ODAAT
Bless
Yes Miss Kim, I know you need me. I hope that you have found comfort in writing since I have had to 'step away from the computer' lately. I also see that BB has been working on being there for you.
How did your mother fair with the anniversary? I noticed on a couple of hubs that she came to your place instead of you going to hers. How did that go? The one thing that is most important to an addict is that they die clean and sober or abstinent or whatever they define it to be. Dear Bob was sober and helped get you clean and sober. He is happy to see you staying clean and sober. Try not to forget this.
Part of why I haven't been part of some of the other discussions is that I don't really feel that I fit in, (That and I really haven't had time to sit at the computer and read all the stuff you've producing, just amazing.) The life you lived is so far above me that I'd need a rocket pack to even get a peek at it. I can't really imagine where you came from (broadcast exec and all.) I am truly impressed that you would even want me to be part of your life (even vicariously on hub pages.) It is humbling to think about and I thank you for it.
I know that living substance free is an important thing for you. Learning to live life on life's terms is an art best practiced daily. I'm still learning to do it, even after all this time. Remember, my sister, that I love you and I am still sending you energy ODAAT.
"Resist everything but temptation." Oscar Wilde
I cannot talk much about drugs since I do not lie but I would like to say that playing with drugs is testing yourself. Walking the fine line is all good, as long as you don't slip-off. Even for someone who can predict the future, drugs are ... tricky; perhaps the Spirit of the Coyote is not helping.
Cheers!
P.S. The first photo seems to be a collection of models from the catwalk in Milan? Just wondering. (lol)
Milan, your hilarious but probably correct. Drugs are a result of addiction which in turn is a disease. No one chooses to live under bridges, really they don't.
But recovery is possible in the program
I'm just so glad you read this hub and made me happy again
I'll be by as soon as I am done the challenge
draining is an understatement
odaat!
oh god William I needed that reminder more than you know
Thank you so much
bless
by the grace of god i swear
As Slig said the other day, don't spread your self too thin. If you spread the jelly too thin, can you still call it a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Only when you are strong withing your self will you have a base from which to go out and work in the world. Visit the point of stillness within regularly to get that strength.
Love you Sis.
Incredibly powerful and very helpful. Thanks so much. odaat.
You carry the spark of your higher power. Shine your light. It will empower you to achieve your dreams.
odaat Sis odaat
You are loved.
W. B. Isley
You my friend are so loved also
bless
and OK ODAAT for sure
BurningMan
thank you for such a validating comment
Lets pray one day they open a rehab for fire addicts
Kimberly
Mentalist acer Level 6 Commenter 14 months ago
The video was representative of mostly observed experiences,and intense porayal.;)